Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
