Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
