rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
