I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
