grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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