You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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