is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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