I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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