you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
