Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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