I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We need a shit load of segways right now
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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