I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
