Your mouth is God's brothel.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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