Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
