Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
