That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
