Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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