Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
