I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize