i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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