when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
