I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
