My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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