a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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