Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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