So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
