I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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