I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You may now shotgun with the bride
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
