Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
