Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
