I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
