Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
