Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We have started to decorate penises.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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