respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
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