Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
