How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
