ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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