I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize