I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
