I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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