i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
