I want to have your abortion
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
