I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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