why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
