I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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