I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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