Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
