My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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