One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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