I CAN MOONWALK!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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