Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
