Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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