Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
