So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
