There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
