i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
zippers are such a cool invention
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Even my vagina gasped.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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