Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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