don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
