Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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