I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
