I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
