i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
