Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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