you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize