we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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