I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize